The Lair of the Clockwork Book

AVAILABLE IN PRINT:

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AMAZON

EBOOKS AVAILABLE:

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Radio Planet | AMAZON | Barnes & Noble | Kobo

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Amazon & Kobo links are localized

That’s here, and only here, at Radio Planet Books: even if you missed the July Special you can still save a dollar on eBook copies of The Lair of the Clockwork Book.

From now until… well… till nobody knows, really, you can buy The Lair of the Clockwork Book for just $2.99 right here.

Profusely illustrated with over 120 pictures, it’s the story of the story of the story of Retropolis, in the Future That Never Was: because the Clockwork Book is stories. It contains just about any and every story ever told in the City of Tomorrow; and if there are limits on what stories it’s allowed to tell you, you can be sure that the Book knows all the loopholes.

The Lair of the Clockwork Book

AVAILABLE IN PRINT:

---

AMAZON

EBOOKS AVAILABLE:

---

Radio Planet | AMAZON | Barnes & Noble | Kobo

---

Amazon & Kobo links are localized

Until the end of July you can get the eBook edition of The Lair of the Clockwork Book for just $1.45: that’s more than half off. This sale price is only available right here at Radio Planet Books.

The Lair of the Clockwork Book, with over 120 illustrations, began its life as a serial that ran from February of 2011 to April of 2012 at the Thrilling Tales of the Downright Unusual web site.

The greyscale eBook edition is available in both mobi and ePub formats. It’s normally priced at $3.99, but during July Radio Planet Books is selling it for $1.45.

The Clockwork Book’s lair lies far beneath the city of Retropolis, in the world of the Future That Never Was. As far as anybody knows, it’s always been there – slowly collecting the stories, the ideas, and the secrets of its visitors, and then sharing them with those who come after.

If you were to visit the Book yourself, you might realize that in its own retro-futuristic world the Book serves the purpose of a social network – a mechanical social network. With that in mind, you could hardly be surprised at the misadventures its clients seem to have.

And what is the Book, really, and who constructed it, and why? That’s one of the few stories that the Book is not allowed to tell.

On the other hand… the Book has learned how to bend the rules.

The Book bends rules; Radio Planet Books has bent its price. Get the eBook The Lair of the Clockwork Book this July for just $1.45.

Here you go, Mr. Grand Imperial Hoo-Hah.

INVOICE RP03

 
Basic planet preparation (BP-02) deployment
Installation of orbiting station
Truncate mountain at 35.365944 N, -120.849992 W (elev: 200 feet)
Install defensive perimeter, style A-46 (classical)
Erect six-story tower at 35.365944 N, -120.849992 W, style “Medici”
 
ADDITIONAL SERVICES:
 
Canyon Landscaping
Graffiti Removal: NO CHARGE
 
CLIENT NOTES:
 
1. Please make sure the larger windows face west, for the ocean view
2. I will never do business with your company again. Expect to hear from my attorney.
 
Third Installment (30%): 1,346,296 ’pols
TOTAL: 1,346,296 ’pols
 
THIS INVOICE IS NOW DUE. PLEASE REMIT IMMEDIATELY.

I’ve been looking over the latest orbital photos of the area you leveled for my base.

I can read, you know. Those letters must be fifty feet tall.

Okay, your Imperial Majestic planet person, we’ve leveled that mountaintop and installed the perimeter security.

We’ll start in on your tower tomorrow.

I’ve just reviewed the orbital photos of what you did to my glacier. It’s a huge canyon now. It’s just melted rock and mudslides. It’s hideous! Can’t you do anything about this?

You were supposed to improve this planet, right?

Your Imperial Planetness:

I regret to inform you that our during work on your glacier we encountered a large community of Scarhloghs, right in the middle of their breeding season. We lost three workers. They were friends of mine.

These casualties are covered under your project insurance (expect to hear from your insurance company soonest). But if there are two more fatalities you will have exceeded your quota, and you’ll be billed for any additional deaths on your planet.

We’re taking three days off for mourning. Expect work to resume after that time.

Mr. God-Emperor:

Okay, we were all set to start truncating that peak for you (really nice ocean view, BTW) when the survey crew noticed a problem. You’ve got a small glacier moving your way, just to the northwest. It’s not a problem right now, but at the rate it’s moving you will probably have some trouble there in about thirty years.

What we do when we see one of these is to perform some glacier mitigation. You don’t have to eradicate the whole thing, but you do have to track it back to the point where it starts accumulating, and that’s where we do some major destruction. We remove all the pressure that drives the glacier forward. Then you’re all set for several centuries.

Now you could certainly just tell us to go ahead and ignore it. But the thing is, thirty years or so down the line you’re going to have to take action, or that glacier is likely to plow right through your nice truncated peak and tower.

At that time we’d have to come back and bill you for all the basic transport and set-up that we’ve just done already. So your cost today, if you want us to mitigate that glacier, it’s much lower than you’d pay in the future.

It’s up to you. You should contact the main office and make your arrangements with them, and then we’ll go ahead, either way.

Hello!

So here we are, in orbit around your new planet, and I have to say you picked a pretty nice one. We’ve just set up the orbital station and we’ll start work tomorrow morning.

The crew’s all ready to go. But we can’t start preparing your planet until I get the notification that you’ve paid your first installment, as per your contract with the company. A copy of the invoice is attached.

INVOICE RP01

 
Basic planet preparation (BP-02) deployment
Installation of orbiting station
Truncate mountain at 35.365944 N, -120.849992 W (elev: 200 feet)
Install defensive perimeter, style A-46 (classical)
Erect six-story tower at 35.365944 N, -120.849992 W, style “Medici”
 
CLIENT NOTES:
 
1. Please make sure the larger windows face west, for the ocean view
 
First Installment (30%): 1,246,296 ’pols
TOTAL: 1,246,296 ’pols
 
THIS INVOICE IS NOW DUE. PLEASE REMIT IMMEDIATELY.